letter

Last month I found myself walking through the front doors of Habersham Central High school. I could hardly believe that I was back again in a building that I was so eager to leave behind. I was playing music for the True Love Waits Rally, and could hardly believe that I had even been asked to come back. Before the event began I found myself reminiscing as I walked down the hall, looked at my class picture, and walked into the auditorium. I thought about how the things that worried me then, broke my heart, and stressed me out were so minute compared to the things that swim in my head now.
I found myself thinking about the person that I was when I roamed those very halls, pushing through the hundreds of people trying to make it to class on time after spending too much time in locker fellowship with my peers. I thought about the close knit group that I was proud to be a part of, and what we stood for, what we believed, and our passion to disciple. I wished for a moment that I had invested myself more in certain people, but over all had no regrets, and felt satisfied with my high school experience.
I thought about people and where they are now, what they are doing, and who they were then. I thought about those who were faithful, available, teachable, reliable, and what made the one80 flourish. We were students who had a passion about leading their peers to Christ, we were called out, and we wanted to feast on God’s word.
Over the past few years I have found myself numb, bitter and unmoved. I am coming out of a season of complacency, and I am excited to have feelings again. I became bitter because I was no longer feeling moved by the spirit, I had lost romance with God, and plagued by death and circumstances. I found myself with a lot of questions but no desire to find answers. I repeated to myself over and over that God is good, but it did not satisfy my heart. I have seen this overcome so many people that I care about, walking away from our first love, clinging to the very things we stood against. We are at an age where we aren’t attracted to cliché poppy worship songs, we want authenticity. We believe that the church should be active about changing the world, and not stuck in a pew on Sunday, so we sleep in instead of going to worship services. We want to change the world, but we are waiting on someone to lead us.
We are so caught up in finding who we are, listening to people guiding us to be right winged or left winged, anti-war or pro war that we are missing the war going on in ourselves. We have let down our guard and let so many things compromise our beliefs, clog up our hearts. We give ourselves away, we fill ourselves with substances and cling to the fact that this too shall pass, and we wait for it to - inactively wait. We are so busy, we can’t hear that still small voice. Underneath all of the junk that we let in Jesus is pushing his way through. We may give up on him, but he is still after us. We have given in to a new way of fitting in. We make friends and hope that they have the answers and forget that we know the way, we know the truth, and the life. I am writing this because I love each of you dearly, I had a rough couple of years spiritually, and if any of this is in vein I hope that it is taken as words on a screen, if not I pray that God will use these words for his glory. I feel that we are at a tough spot in life, where it is hard to find that fire we had five years ago, and hard to stay in contact with one another and encourage, challenge, and be accountable to one another. I am praying for you guys, and hope that you are feeling moved and spirit lead.

There is a lot going on right now. I am trying to get some more income, today actually! I am busy the next few months with family and friends, (always good). I haven't updated in a while so I figured I would post something to keep this thing alive.


As always I am listening, waiting, and anticipating what the Lord has in store.

Songs up at www.virb.com/gerrenfish